Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
