and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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