like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
handjob tips. give me some.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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