Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
