why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
