I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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