so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
third nipple confirmed
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You ruined the universe
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You don't make any sense
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