I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
