bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
