Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
