Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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