I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need water and some morals
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
