how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I would ride that face into the sunset
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
