My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
