my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
