Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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