i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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