I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
