you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
