You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
