I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
