dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
