And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
