i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
