If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
