Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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