Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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