You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize