Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
