Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
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