FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Randomize
