I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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