Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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