The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
