at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
