rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
