I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
