shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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