dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im six kinds of drunk right now
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize