If i come over, it means nothing
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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