Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
