Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
