dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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