Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
A bitchslap is in order.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize