bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
