hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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