can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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