I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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