So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
