There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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