11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
