ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
