I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
