I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
