I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
