All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
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