I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
