party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
