the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
