dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
