I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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