well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
