So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
